Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
