Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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