He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
