I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
