I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
