no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
