i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Panties = found
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