im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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