so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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