she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
