I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize