McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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