No awkward lesbian experiences without me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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