Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
