I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
