I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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