Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
