did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
