fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
