I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize