3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
