And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
