I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
