grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
