I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
