Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.