I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.