If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wanna be euthanized