I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
