he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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