i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
