I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
