do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
