yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
