Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
