Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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