im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
