his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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