shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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