I am puke
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize