Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
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YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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