Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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