I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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