I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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