Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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