Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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