So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
