When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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