I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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