I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
