I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
