chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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