i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
