Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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