either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
