I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
