Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
