He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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