You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
