Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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