His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
