I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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