did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
