I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
