Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
