why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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