does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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