Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
